The 8 Core Beliefs of a Body-Positive Home
#1. All Bodies are Good Bodies
There are two kinds of families that come to see me. The first are the treatment seekers— parents in crisis. Some are worried that their child has lost weight rapidly, eating a severely restrictive diet. Some are concerned about secretive eating and questionable post-meal trips to the bathroom. Others report that their once vibrant child has become a shell of themself. Most recognize that an eating disorder may be developing, while others arrive at the behest of a trusted pediatrician, unaware of the seriousness of their child’s situation. They need a diagnosis, an action plan, and a well-oiled treatment team to help them set their child on the road to recovery.
The second group is the prevention seekers—parents who usually find me on Instagram, determined to raise kids with a healthier relationship with food and body then they had growing up. They’re deep in the trenches of parenting in diet culture, and they have questions. Most want to know how to promote balanced eating without creating shame around food. Some ask how they can help their larger bodied children “lose weight” without causing harm. Others want scripts for tricky questions, like “Mom, am I fat?” They’re not in crisis, but their motivation often comes from personal experience with disordered eating, chronic dieting, and always a shadow of body shame. They want to do things differently—and they’re looking for a roadmap.
While the plan of action will differ for each group, both treatment seekers and prevention seekers face overlapping challenges as they navigate the learning curves of the basics. I have sat with many brilliant people who glaze over when I start my spiel on the anatomy of body image and the prevention, early detection, and treatment of disordered eating. And that’s before we’ve even begun to talk about what scaffolding supportive home and school environments will look like. It’s emotionally loaded psychoeducation that often requires a brand new lexicon and advocacy playbook. A dad I once worked with — a charming college professor — told me I should have warned him this would be graduate level parenting. I took the feedback seriously.
Everyone needs some shortcuts into the heart of this multifaceted work — so I’ve boiled all of it down into eight powerful core beliefs. Some might resonate immediately; others might make you uneasy. That’s completely normal. Take them in slowly one by one, and acknowledge the barriers that make them hard to metabolize. I’ll provide some reflective questions to help loosen their grip and I encourage you to be kind and honest with yourself. Because this isn’t just about understanding new ideas—it’s about trusting and embodying them. And that takes time.
1. All Bodies Are Good Bodies
Say these five words out-loud: all bodies are good bodies.
Do you believe it? Does it sound like a nice idea in theory, but not one you can take seriously? Deluded, self-love hooey? Whatever your knee-jerk reaction, that’s perfectly fine. I’ll meet you where you are. Note your initial reaction and, if you’re open, read on.
Body-positive families have a deep, genetically informed understanding that body diversity is real and as natural as any other type of size diversity found in the natural world. We believe that dignity, respect, care, and a peaceful relationship with one’s own body is a basic human need — and that extends to human beings living in the most marginalized bodies. Yes, the body that most repulses you. The one you would never want to inhabit. The one you’ve worked hard to avoid or escape. The one you would like to protect your child from ever having to live in….that body too. Self-compassionately exploring our body biases is a vital part of this work, and I’m here to support you with it. If you’re starting to worry that you’re being led into idiotic idealism, rest assured: we know that toxic cultural values dictate which bodies are celebrated and which are hidden and shamed, making body struggles inevitable for many. But we blame the systems that perpetuate these harmful messages, not ourselves—we refuse to accept them as truth.
By the time you embrace the notion that all bodies are good bodies—once you really get the essence of body-positive values—you realize we’re just talking about basic human decency. It’s radical, sure—I don’t mean to understate that—but if you think your child and my child deserve to live in a world that is safe for both of their bodies to exist in, it’s the only way.
It’s also the foundation of body image resilience—and I’ve never met a parent who said, “No, Zoë, I don’t want my child to experience positive embodiment or body peace.” I say body image resilience because we’re realists—never feeling bad about one’s body is not the goal. We want our kids to have the tools to skillfully move through hard body moments when they inevitably arise.
The Body-Positive Boomerang
I love meeting folks who are here not just for their own or their child’s wellbeing, but for the collective good. And…as a psychotherapist, I really understand the many ways individual hardship often serves as the entry point into this work. Pain is personal, and when we are struggling — or our child is suffering — it does not feel like the time to fight for the rights of others. But here’s a pro-tip: there is an unintended consequence of body-positive activism. When we center the humanity of folks in the most marginalized bodies, there is a boomerang effect that positively impacts our perception of our own. Many will tell you this is an exploitation of the movement — I actually agree. AND, it also speaks to the profound interconnectedness of liberation. When we challenge the forces that oppress others, we loosen their grip on us, too. So if the idea of fighting for collective body justice lacks appeal, know this: expanding your lens to include the most marginalized isn’t just an act of solidarity—it’s a path that benefits your family too.
Say it again: all bodies are good bodies.
With a bit more context, how does it hit this time? Is there any part of you more open to taking it in? What would it have been like for you if your parents had embodied this belief? If you had been told your body was a good body, no matter what society, or the Family Doctor, or your Grandma Joan said? If you had clearly defined systems to think critically about before you could internalize too much body shame? If you could name a “hard body moment” when it hit and reach for your emotional tool kit, rather than a diet plan or self-reproach? Might you be willing to acknowledge and address your own body biases in the name of body image resilience for your family, if not social justice?
Keeping it practical
We’ll come back to all bodies are good bodies over the course of our work together. We’ll strategically say it out loud with our kids and plaster it across classroom walls. We will also use it as a mantra when our bodies — or our kid’s bodies — are stressing us out. We’ll even wrestle with its validity in the face of complex health concerns. Doubt and active questioning is welcome. We will not use it to delude ourselves, invalidate anyone’s emotional pain, or deny the harsh realities of our culture. We are realists and anti-toxic positivity. Instead, we’ll hold space for nuance and make room for EVERY BODY’s experience—without shame and without conditions. Trust me, your children will thank you.
This was part 1 of the 8 part series: The 8 Core Beliefs of a Body-Positive Family. Be sure to subscribe to Body-Positive Home with Zoë Bisbing so you don’t miss the next one.
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I love how you break everything down into foundational concepts! So helpful to families.
The "graduate level parenting" comment reminds of me all families who told me they felt like they got a "PhD in eating disorders" during the treatment and recovery process. I wish it weren't the case, but I find many carers ending up knowing WAY more about this stuff than even their child's pediatrician—which makes sense since most doctors get about an hour EDs in all of their medical school training (and a lot of that hour is filled with outdated information).
You introduced us to Bodies Are Cool and it’s my kids’ favorite! I love the range of gender expressions too and disability rep. I love the dog park page,the ballet studio, and the subway particularly.